The Power of Shame in Asian Cultures

I have never heard so much about suicide until moving to Korea. Sure, there were the occasional suicide stories in the news back in Canada and in Hollywood, but to so frequently read the names of celebrities, political leaders, and high-profile individuals in the headlines in apposition with the deadly words, “suicide,” was unfathomable.

“South Korean Ex-President Kills Himself” is one of the major headlines in the news today. Even if one were to survey this past year’s news, one would frequently come across stories of celebrities committing suicide in Korea.  Committing suicide in Korea is really not an occasional occurrence.

But why? Is it that the preciousness of life isn’t valued any more? Is it a decision of the whim? Why am I coming across so many stories of suicide in this shame-based-Confucianistic culture of Korea?

I believe that my last question holds the key to scratching the surface in regards to the driving force of suicide in Korea.

Shame.

It’s the Power of Shame.

Shame (n): a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.

In this Confucianistic-Buddhist-Asian culture of Korea, one’s consciounsess of wrong isn’t personal, like it is in Western-highly-individualistic-cultures, but it’s collective.  As a result, when one commits a wrongdoing, one feels humiliation and distress from everyone – not merely from one’s own conscience.  In psychological terms, it’s called the “invisible audience” phenomenon.  Albeit, all individuals experience the “invisible audience” phenomenon from adolescence onwards, I wonder if it is stronger in Asian cultures because of the emphasis on collectivity?

Thus I believe that it is the power of shame that overtakes one’s own reason and well-being, and leads one to ponder the option of suicide.  One cannot merely reconcile the wrongdoing easily.  It is no longer a wrongdoing against oneself, but it is one that has been exposed to the world.  To reconcile the wrongdoing with the world seems to be too big of a task, and without God, it surely is.  As a result, suicide seems to be the best option for most people.

Now do I agree with my hypothesis? In a humanistic sense, I do. But in light of who God is, and the power of spiritual warfare in this world, my argument above is merely one point of view.

Sure, the power of shame is a huge force that drives people to suicide, but behind that, I believe there is an insatiable craving and longing in everyone’s soul for God.  Now when humans try to fill that longing for God with money, power, sex, and fame, it always comes up short.

“Why is there this emptiness in my soul?”

“Why is there this emptiness in my soul??”

“Why is there this emptiness in my soul???”

“Why is there this emptiness in my soul????”

To not find the answer to this question, and to give up the search, signifies the beginning of death.

As a result, when individuals commit suicide, are they already dead? Have they already given up searching for the One that our souls long for?

These are my reflections…what are yours?

A Perennial Learner

In the midst of impending fatherhood, nearly full-time studies, and full-time ministry work, one would think that I lacked the time to learn and pursue other interests.  Yet that is the crux of the Learner – I will never stop learning.  My desire to learn will never be satisfied.

And I love it.

I love and hate this quote from Contemplative Prayer by Thomas Merton,

“We do not want to be beginners. But let us be convinced of the fact that we will never be anything else but beginners, all our life!”

I hate that! I don’t want to be a beginner, I want to be an expert.  Why else am I learning?  But when I meditate on the truth of those words I realize that this is the attitude I need to adopt in order to prevent pride from seeping into my life.

Let me end off with a great litany by the author, theologian, and professor, Dr. Leonard Sweet,

I used to be a learned professor. Now I’m a learner.
When I was learned, life was a quiz show. Now that I’m a learner, life is a discovery channel.
When I was learned, it was a question of how much I knew. Now that I’m a learner, it’s a question of how much I’m being stretched.
When I was learned, knowledge was everything. Now that I’m a learner, kindness is everything.
When I was learned, knowledge went to my head. Now that I’m a learner, knowledge travels the longest foot in the universe–-the foot that separates my head from my heart.
When I was learned, I used to point my finger and pontificate. Now that I’m a learner, I slap my forehead all the time.
When I was learned, I used to think I was the best. Now that I’m a learner, I do the best I can.
When I was learned, I was frightened of new ideas. Now that I’m a learner, I’m just as frightened of old ideas.
When I was learned, I looked to the past: to have confirmed the set of beliefs I already had. Now that I’m a
learner, I look to the future: to grow, be stretched, and remain open to what I don’t know.
When I was learned, I knew where I was going. Now that I’m a learner, I don’t know where I’m going—-but I know whom I’ve going with.
When I was learned, I loved to talk. Now that I’m a learner, I’d prefer to listen, because that’s when I’m learning.
When I was learned, I had something to teach everybody. Now that I’m a learner, everybody has something to teach me.
When I was learned, I was impatient with dumb people. Now that I’m a learner, I’m grateful when people are patient enough to dumb down to me and care enough to smarten me up.
When I was learned, I thought that all knowledge was a form of power. Now that I’m a learner, I suspect much knowledge is a form of weakness.
When I was learned, life was knowledge about God. Now that I’m a learner, life is knowledge of God.
When I was learned, I knew where my nose was headed. Now that I’m a learner, I go where my nose leads me.
When I was learned, mission meant “go to give.” Now that I’m learned, mission work is becoming pilgrimage: mission means “go to learn.”
When I was learned, my life revolved around what other people thought about me. Now that I’m a learner, my life revolves around what I think about myself and what God thinks about me.
When I was learned, from the high ground of hindsight I instructed the past on where it went wrong. Now that I’m a learner, the past instructs me about how I can right the future.

When I was learned, the power and mystery were in the big words. Now that I’m a learner, the power and mystery are in the small, simple words.
When I was learned, I thought that the educational system was so much better than the market, the other main channel for the mediation of cultural capital. Now that I’m a learner, I realize just how closed and controlling the
knowledge industry can be.
When I was learned, I deemed the great threats those made dangerous by strength. Now that I’m a learner, I deem the great threats those made dangerous by weakness.
When I was learned, I loved to fill out questionnaires. Now that I’m a learner, questionnaires are an exercise in saying “I Dunno” since I keep checking the “don’t know” box. (”Don’t know” doesn’t mean “don’t care”)
When I was learned, I imagined myself the church’s resident “know-it-all.” Now that I’m a learner, I’m more willing to admit I don’t know everything.
What I was learned, I was always trying to speed things up. Now that I’m a learner, I’m always trying to slow things down, even when I’m speeding up.
When I was learned, I bragged about how our knowledge is an ever deepening ocean. Now that I’m a learner, I shudder at how our wisdom is an ever-shrinking drop.
When I was learned, I said, “Take it from me.” Now that I’m a learner, I say, “Don’t take it from me.” I boast no immaculate perceptions. I see through a glass dimly.
I’m still an academic. As a theologian, I have my little bottle of Windex and am cleaning that glass for all it’s worth. I’m trying to get rid of as much fog and film as I can. But the best I will ever to is to “know in part.” I will
never “know it all.” God’s ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8) , and God’s thoughts not our thoughts.
There are still some know-it-alls out there. Some people are like Moses. They think they can see the face of God. . . and live.
The best we can do is hear God’s voice, and in rare moments of mystical and metaphorical ecstasy, gently touch his face.

Amen!

What Not To Eat

I just looked through a Times Magazine article regarding what not to eat, and guess what came up? Those yummy Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Crackers that we feed to our children in schools and churches!!

Ouch!

What Not To Eat

Why? Even though it’s trans-fat-free (one of our funny fads), it has 250 mg of salt per serving.

Guess what the recommended daily intake for salt is? 6 grams – that’s 6000 mg.

That means one serving is only 1/24 of the daily recommended intake of salt.

Is it really that bad then?

My thought for food? Everything with moderation…with some regulations.

Dangerous Worship

Worship is not about a powerless people coming together to sing. Worship is dangerous because it is the children of God coming together, in the name of Jesus Christ, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to proclaim the praises of the high king of the universe. As a result, when individuals worship, they are submitting themselves completely to God. It is not to gain anything or to coerce God to give them something. However, while humans relinquish their agenda, their will, and their power, they actually exchange that for the heart of God and the power of God. Thus, the power of God is proclaimed and unleashed into this universe (spiritual and physical) through the words, prayers, and actions of the worshiper. As a result, worship is not just humans singing, but it’s spiritual warfare.

What is your definition of worship?

Sociology of the Homeless in Seoul, Korea

There are approximately 1 million homeless individuals in Seoul, and 300 at Seoul Station, which is a major landmark in Seoul.  That’s very intriguing because the population of greater Seoul is 24.5 million people.  That means 1 in every 25 people is homeless in Seoul.

We had an outreach to the homeless in Seoul a few weeks ago, and I noticed something very intriguing about the sociology of the homeless here.  We went to the City Hall Subway Station and discovered that there were three types of homeless, for lack of a better word, “lifestyles.”

The first type of “lifestyle” is the large-community “lifestyle” where many homeless individuals live together in community.  For example, we saw an area at the City Hall Subway Station where 20-30 homeless individuals lived together in community.  The second type of “lifestyle” is the small-community “lifestyle” where a few homeless individuals live together in community.  The third type of “lifestyle” is the individualized private “lifestyle” where the homeless live by themselves.

When I noticed all three lifestyles, I wasn’t surprised by those who lived in the large-community or even small-community lifestyle because Asian Culture is so community-focused.  However, what I couldn’t quite understand was why there were so many different dynamics between the lifestyles.

Here are my thoughts or hypothesis as to the differences:

1) The homeless individuals in the large-community “lifestyle” were a lot more forceful and demanding when we handed out the blankets to them.  It’s almost as if they knew that they somehow deserved the charity, so they wanted as much charity as possible.  As a result, I believe that the homeless who live in these larger communities have accepted their homeless condition and are more-or-less content with their identity being linked with homelessness.

2) The small-community “lifestyle” individuals are not adapting to the large-community “lifestyle” because they are possibly holding onto the hope that there is a way out of their condition.  A few minutes after giving one of our blankets to the small-community “lifestyle” homeless, I saw him scratching out the bible verse that we had taped on the case.  It almost seemed as if he was concerned with the “presentation” of the blanket because he wanted to sell it.

3) The homeless living a individualized private “lifestyle” actually turned out to be the most grateful for our blankets.  There were even a few homeless who didn’t want the blanket and suggested that we give it to others who are more in need.  Furthermore, when we gave them food, they were bowing their heads to us with gratitude – a gesture that we seldom came across with the other two “types” of homeless “lifestyles.”  My hypothesis is that these homeless are F.O.S.’s – “fresh on the street.”  In other words, they recently lost their job or some other unfortunate situation happened, which in turn, caused them to move to the streets.  As a result, they are still living in heavy shame regarding their condition.  Thus, by not associating with other homeless individuals, they are convinced that they will get back on their feet again.  Homelessness is not their identity, it’s just a temporary condition.

Has anyone else seen similiar patterns of the homeless in other cities? Please correct me if I’m wrong.

The Common Locations of the Homeless in Seoul, Korea:

• Seoul Station
• Ulgiroo 3Ga Station (Line 2)
• Yeungdeongpo Goochung (Line 5) –> this station has the most homeless individuals and the majority of them will gather here at 11:00 pm to sleep.

Life in Korea: Priorities

Upon arriving to Korea a few months ago, life has been hectic, and it’s been quite the struggle to find an opportunity to blog.  I love blogging, but life has just been overwhelming.

One of the blessings of being here and serving at Onnuri Community Church is that I get to learn from Pastor Eddie Byun.  I first met Eddie when he was my youth pastor at the Philadelphia Church of Vancouver (he was in seminary at the time).  I never thought that I would ever see or partner with him again, so it’s amazing to be here in Korea and have the opportunity to learn from him.

About a month ago, I asked him what sort of disciplines I should develop in my life if I want to grow as a Pastor.  He told me that one thing he does is to focus on a different subject each day, and to focus on learning about that subject on that given day.  Now this exercise isn’t reserved for pastors alone, but it’s useful for all people.

Here is how I’m organizing my week, and the books that I have chosen to read on the subject.

Monday: Prayer/Fasting
- Too Busy Not to Pray: Bill Hybels
- A Hunger for God: John Piper

Tuesday: Leadership
- Axiom: Bill Hybels
- Reformed Pastor: Richard Baxter
- Leading from the Second Chair: Bonem and Patterson
- An Unstoppable Force: Erwin McManus
- Envisioning an Apostolic Church: Yong-Jo Ha (The Senior Pastor of Onnuri Community Church)

Wednesday: Preaching
- Speaking to Teenagers: Fields and Robbins
- The Supremacy of God in Preaching: John Piper
- Biblical Preaching: Haddon Robinson
- The Art and Craft of Biblical Preaching: Edited by Robinson and Larson

Thursday: Spiritual Warfare
- Spiritual Warfare for Every Christian: Dean Sherman
- Screwtape Letters: C.S. Lewis
- Powers of Darkness

Friday: Culture
- Third Culture Kids: Pollock and Van Reken
- Korea Unmasked: Rhie
- American/Korean Contrasts: Susan Oak

Saturday: Marriage
- Marriage Spirituality: R. Paul Stevens
- Sacred Marriage: Gary Thomas
- Every Man’s Marriage: Arterburn and Stoeker (This one I’m going to reread because I’m married now…I read the book while I was dating)

Let’s see how this goes. I’ve already done a week, I missed a few days, but on the days I did stick with the schedule, it’s been great.

I can’t wait to finish all the books on my list and add new ones.

Until next time…

Green McDonald’s and Missional Living

Reserved parking spaces for hybrid cars, tables and chairs made from recycled milk and detergent containers, and vegetative green roofs – these are a few of the 20 features that McDonald’s has conjured up to attract the eco-concious population (see Korea Times Article).

On top of that, today’s McDonald menu is vastly different from its menu 20 years ago.

Why are they changing? What’s motivating them? Is it working?

One word – culture.

It’s all about culture.

For example, 20 years ago, were large companies really concered about their carbon footprint? Of course not! And that’s why we never heard much about carbon footprints back then.  It just wasn’t a concern to the wider culture.  However, what about today? Don’t you find that it’s hard to come across many companies that aren’t “going green?”

So why does this issue matter?

Well, if Christians are to really be genuine and not hypocritical, then that means that sharing the good news of Christ is essential.  The amazing thing is that the good news of Christ is timeless, whereas the method of sharing it isn’t.

And that’s exactly it.  Culture changes! Therefore, the method of sharing the good news of Christ must change as well.

Yesterday, my wife and I finally found a place to live in Korea. After 3 days of searching, and many hours of mediocre places, we finally found a place that’s perfect for us.  We have a large living room, so we can have people over to entertain them (since the apartments are so small in Korea, it’s very uncommon to have people over), and we even have a second bedroom, so that we can house visitors.  And the location?  It’s right in the center of the international community in Seoul.

As a pastor, it’s really easy to hide in the church.  There is always an endless amount of work to do, and a countless number of Christians that need discipleship.  As a result, there is always the danger that pastors will live in a “Christian bubble,” lose touch with the culture, and become hypocrites.  In other words, the danger is that pastors will stop sharing the good news of Christ with those who don’t know it and desperately need it.

My prayer is that I would never become that kind of pastor.  Perhaps that’s why God blessed us with such an amazing place in the center of the international community in Seoul?  We’re definitely not going to be hard pressed to find people in our neighborhood who need the hope of Christ.

Our prayer (my wife and I) is that we can be like a shining city on a hill that cannot be hidden (Matthew 5).  A city on a hill that is so bright, that it dispells the darkness surrounding it.  (Isn’t it ironic how our apartment is actually on a hill?)

Ministry and Life Transitions

3 days remain.

I only have 3 more days in Canada.

There are only 3 more days until my wife and I begin our new life in Seoul, Korea.

How did it get this way? How did we end up leaving our ministry and our life in Montreal to move to the other side of the world?  How were we so sure that this is where God was calling us? How did we know that this was God’s will for our lives?

Sex Trafficking

“The CIA estimates that between 50 000 and 100 000 girls, boys and women are trafficked annually into the United States to be pimped out or sold for forced sex.  Worldwide more than 1 million people are trafficked across international borders against their will.”

“We are not finding victims in the United States because we’re not looking for them.” – The U.S. State Department’s Advisor on Trafficking.

The movie Trade does an excellent job in opening one’s eyes to the horrors and reality of the modern day sex trafficking industry.  In other words, if one were to parallel the movie Blood Diamond to the movie Trade, it would go like this: Trade is to the sex trafficking industry, as Blood Diamond is to the diamond industry. 

If this is such a serious problem, why are so many people unaware of it?

When people hear about sex trafficking, most people are disgusted at the thought of buying another human being for sex.  After all, how can we treat other human beings as objects?  This conjures up thoughts of slavery and dehumanization.

However, when you speak to pimps or people actively trading other human beings for sex, you will never hear them say that this was their dream job growing up.  In the same way, when you speak with rapists or pedophiles, they will always admit that they never thought they would get this far.  I’m sure you can agree with me when I say that there are no children who dream about growing up, raping others, and having sex with children.

Then how do people get to this point in their life?

“…each of you is tempted when you are dragged away by your own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full–grown, gives birth to death.” (James 1:14-15)

In other words, it’s a progression.

When you ask pedophiles, rapists, and pimps how they got to that point in their life, they will all say the same thing – it started with viewing others as objects.  In other words, when one views pornography, one isn’t looking at a human being anymore, one is looking, lusting, and fantasizing over an object.

You don’t believe me?  Well, here’s a question to all of you who have looked at pornography before: When you were looking at pornography, did you ever stop to think about that person’s life story?  Does that person have parents? Brothers? Sisters? Children? A spouse? Where does that person live? Is that person doing it voluntarily or are they also forced and chained into the sex industry?  What if that person was your daughter? Would you still look at those images?  The fact is, no one ever thinks about those questions when they look at pornography because those who view pornography have begun to see people as objects.

However, there comes a point when pornography isn’t enough.  Therefore, those individuals go to strip clubs.  The same thing happens in strip clubs.  Even though one is viewing real human beings, one still doesn’t ask those questions or consider that person to be a human being.  As a result, one will not treat the stripper as a human being, but only as an object that can be bought for one’s own entertainment.  It’s dehumanization.

After that, strip clubs won’t be enough either.  Therefore, those individuals will begin to buy prostitutes.  And the same thing will happen again.  After that, prostitutes won’t be enough either, etc.  The cycle just keeps on spiraling down and down.  You get the point, right?  It’s a progression.

The fact is, sex trafficking exists because there’s a demand.  Prostitutes exist because there’s a demand.  Strip clubs exist because there’s a demand.  Pornography exists because there’s a demand.

Are you fueling that demand?

If you are, you are fueling sex trafficking.

exploiting the poor?

Is this exploitation of the poor? A saavy marketing campaign? A political statement? Or just plain cruel?

In the August 2008 issue of Vogue India, there is a controversial 16 page advertising campaign that uses the countries poor to sell products meant for the countries rich.

In the image below, you see a picture of a poor husband and wife marketing a $200 Burberry umbrella and an Etro handbag.